Illness

Poor health resulting from disease of body or mind; sickness

March 6, 2012 began the most enduring healing process of my life, to date.
On that day I woke with symptoms I assumed were signs of the flu, and two mornings later I was greeted with the most excruciating physical pain I’ve yet to experience. Between then and now, I’ve worked with a fair share of doctors, visited quite a few medical facilities, underwent numerous assessments and confronted some frightening possibilities.
Eventually and thankfully, I was determined to have acute septic rheumatoid arthritis of the sternoclavicular joint, a torn rotator cuff and subsequent frozen shoulder. The infection slowly cleared, and the shoulder required no surgery, just a long bout of physical therapy. So by force or choice, I started removing the obstacles between my existing life and the elusive well life I needed and desired.

Heal

To set right; repair
To restore to health or soundness; cure
To become whole and sound; return to health

Why so long? I always thank my lucky stars and ancestors that I am a willful child, yet the gravity of both the blessing and curse of this trait was never as clearly laid out as it was during this time in my life. What I’ve experienced is a lot. But make no mistakes; I’m not playing my mini violin in search of sympathy. We all have our challenges to lament; some last for days or weeks, but for many, they last years. And while working to pull through the worst of mine, physically unable to throw the tantrum I so desired. I thought and wondered about those that suffered years, waited months for accurate diagnosis and went around countless times feeling ok, then not great, then a little better and then even worse than before. Members of my family, friends and loved ones, we’d had these conversations and I’d looked into their eyes as they shunned this round of that treatment with those potential effects and that other option’s predicted prognosis. Brave, obviously; faithful, probably; but willful, without a doubt.

Without our will, our willingness to pursue health at all costs, we are suspended in a state of vulnerability. But how many times have we set up unhealthy scenarios in our lives by that same shear will? Perhaps we were misguided by our ambitions, or what we perceived must be done to survive or sustain the ones that rely on us? These are the questions I’ve been mulling around lately. How do we assert our will to improve and secure our health? What exactly should this entail?

Wellness

The quality or state of being healthy in body and mind, especially as the result of deliberate effort
An approach to healthcare that emphasizes preventing illness and prolonging life, as opposed to emphasizing treating diseases

In the science world there is the concept of dynamic equilibrium. This state is reached when the gains of a physical system stay equal to its losses. In wellness speak this is an ongoing pursuit of balance inside and out of the body, mind and spirit. Fittingly, it is often illustrated as a wheel with spokes that represent each area of our lives from physical activity to love, spirit and even finance. The goal is to keep a watchful eye on the state of each. It is both the proactive and creatively reactive participation of an individual in the design and construction of a life that promotes and perpetuates their wellness-wholeness, soundness. This is the true work. Work that acknowledges our reality that sometimes even the best efforts don’t prevent an illness, that a crisis when not avoided should then be quickly and effectively contained; and if our first attempts fail, then we must try again with more concentrated efforts. Of course this was not my thought process while sitting in the thick of it. By no means was I that objective or proactive. Hindsight is 20/20. And as I read my interpretation, it is “matteroffactish”, never mind debatable in its efficacy. But it does bring me straight to the heart of my question, perhaps even into the realm of its answer. How can we better use our will? How far back should we sit to gain perspective? How do we determine the direction in which we should steer?

Maybe it’s a matter of drafting a new outline, a new covenant that specifies the willingness to:
1. ask for help
2. go to the deepest root of the problem
3. set clearer health and wellness goals
4. objectively look at our ambitions, intentions, behaviors and subsequent choices
5. be honest about the impact of these choices on our emotional and physical wellness
6. let go and lose all things incongruent with our goals
7. follow the intrinsic flow and progression of our lives
8. commit to the process with persistence and patience
9. surrender the minutia of reaching those goals to a higher will
10. go through the growing pains that accompany progress toward our goals
11. adjust our pace and approach as needed
12. forgive our past mistakes
13. trust ourselves and our judgment

Will

To decree
A desire, purpose, or determination, especially of one in authority
The mental faculty by which one deliberately chooses or decides upon a course of action

Happy Easter, Happy Resurrection, and As Always…BeWell